Highlighting Some NBA Referee Biographies

Look at these fucking dorks: a new recurring feature.

Ah yes, the National Basketball Referees Association, a union the same way the Fraternal Order of Police is a union. Did you know that the NBRA’s website features detailed biographies of all 72 of its members, and that like 80 percent of them are obsessed with movies about organized crime, Italy and Italian food, and Christianity? Doesn’t sound like an organization full of corrupt individuals fantasizing about being mafioso at all!

Let’s take a closer look at our least favorite friends in what I hope becomes a regular feature!

Ray Acosta loves “The Sopranos” and “Scarface,” will eat “anything Italian,” reads bunk Bible-based financial advice, and dreams of literally swimming with sharks.

DORK FACTOR: 9.8/10
LIKELIHOOD TO BE CURRENTLY INVOLVED IN A GAMBLING SCANDAL: 7/10

One time Tony Brothers admitted he doesn’t like basketball and would have preferred to have become a judge, and he also loves “24.” This guy backs the blue for sure.

DORK FACTOR: 100/10
CHANCES OF CONVICTING A COP HAD HE ACTUALLY BECOME A JUDGE: 0%
LIKELIHOOD TO BE A ZIONIST: 10000000000000%

Scott Foster’s favorite TV show is “Shameless?” Mr. Policeman he gave you all the clues! Foster was best friends with Tim Donaghy and overwhelming evidence points to him likely collaborating with Timmy in fixing games, but Foster shamelessly let his friend take the fall and continued to wreak havoc with awful officiating and holding a grudge with Chris Paul for the next two decades. HE ALSO LOVES ITALY.

DORK FACTOR: 8/10 (being a criminal would imply that he’s not a dork, but then again he’s obsessed with golf, pickleball, and body surfing, sooo….)
ODDS ARE THAT DONAGHY AND FOSTER SHARE A SECRET OFF-SHORE BANK ACCOUNT WITH THEIR POINT SHAVING WINNINGS: 75%
FUN FACT: “Air Buds” was almost called “Scott Foster Must Die,” sorry we didn’t listen to you back in 2015

Peter Moses

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Jesus Christ.

DORK FACTOR: 9/10
ODDS ARE HE BELIEVES IN A MOB-INSPIRED CODE WHERE YOU DON’T “RAT” ON ANYONE, BUT HAS CALLED THE COPS ON TEENS WHO WERE BEING TOO LOUD ON THE SUBWAY: 9.5/10

It says he’s into “water sports” then mentions how he’s married to fellow ref Lauren Holtkamp-Sterling………………….

DORK FACTOR: 5/10 (honestly there’s not many red flags in his fun facts aside from Drake, he mentions “water sports” in the same breath as his wife, and he says Maps is his favorite app which is pretty funny, so he’s the least dorky ref in today’s installment)
CHANCES HE BELIEVES SOME WEIRD SHIT SINCE I’M PRETTY SURE FLAGLER COLLEGE IS A WEIRD CHRISTIAN COLLEGE: 51% (he’s into water sports, so how Christian can he be?)